While this idea may be completely foreign to us, men seek respect and affirmation and women tend to seek companionship and love. Statistics show that 3 out of 4 men when asked if they would rather feel alone and unloved or inadequate and disrespected, chose the later.
In our love-dominated society, it is portrayed that love should be unending and respect is something to be earned. However, the bible says in Ephesians 5, that husbands should love their wives, and wives should respect their husbands {although, we tend give our spouse what we want, instead of what they need}.
With this, I believe that marriage is about putting your spouse first, and that means making a choice to honor, trust and respect him. & not just knowing in your heart that you respect him, but showing it. Think about it, if your hubby never told you “I love you”, you would not be a happy girl. You want to hear it and feel it.
Respect his decisions: In other words, respect his opinions and honor his choices. In no way am I saying to be a “trophy wife” with no opinions, but I am saying that backing them 150% affirms their knowledge and shows them that you are on their side. {This is the hard part}. The easier part is asking for their opinion or highlighting an area of expertise they have in front of others. For example: You know your man knows a lot about fixing a sink or about the best places to eat in town. Brag that he always picks the most awesome places and that he is mr. fix-it.
Respect his capabilities: We all know the joke that men NEVER ask for directions. This falls in line with respecting your hubby’s abilities. Is he trying to configure your new computer? Don’t tell him he should read the directions. Affirm that you have confidence in him and help him in any way you can. I think many times we don’t realize how “little” things can mean so much to them. It’s really saying that we trust them and that we have faith in them.
Respect his words: {this is a big one} Communication is often called the key to marriage. Our words really do have the power to build our husband up or tear him down. Think of the term “its not what you say, but how you say it”. For example, the disposal isn’t working, you husband wants to try to fix it first, but you immediately say “why don’t you call someone, thats really not your thing”. Your words could be completely innocent, but they could demoralize your husband.
Also, rev up your filter. Really think about how you word questions to your husband and who you are asking them in front of. For example, men tend to answer things differently in front of their male friends. Guys love competing with each other and don’t want to be embarrassed in front of other men.
Respect his intentions: Instead of assuming that he needs to be reminded, or doesn’t want to help you; assume the best. “Always assume the best and you will find it easier to show respect”. We have the power to use our moments to show how much we value our spouse, how much we trust them, and how much we “love” them through respect.
April
Funny story — we had just read “Love and Respect”, so this concept was fresh in our heads. I needed to replace the battery in my iPod Mini, so when the battery arrived, I excitedly took the ipod apart, and then struggled to get it back together. My hubby offered to help and struggled even more than I did. He ended up breaking it 🙂 The whole time he was struggling with it I was telling myself “Cheer him on, let him do this for you, respect his ability to do this… believe in him!” And the whole time he was thinking “Man, I should probably be letting her do this, because she has smaller hands.” 🙂 I love that memory, because we laughed so much about it, and I’m so glad that I gave him the respect he needs 🙂
Love your post! The one big thing I had to learn about respecting him, was not asking his opinion, ignoring it, and then taking my mom’s advice when she told me the exact same thing. It has taken us many years to get our communication ironed out, and I think we’re doing pretty well now 🙂
Heather @ From Here to There
This is a beautiful post and wonderful reminder to everyone in a relationship or seeking a relationship!! It really boils down to the small things we do and tweeking the way we word or think about things can make such a huge impact on our relationships!
Krista
This is a great post and I know I will sometimes rush him and tell him to read the directions (I’m impatient, what can I say!)
Sara
I absolutely love this post! Just a few weeks ago I was thinking about respect. Currently, I’m engaged and my fiancé made a decision that I was unsure of but I do respect his decision now. It was harder for me at first to respect his decision because it made things harder for him and I right now. But I know that he is my future husband and I need to respect and support his decision because it will be better for us in the long run.
Sybil@PeaceitallTogether
We hear and use the word respect a lot, but often have trouble explaining what it really means. You did a great job giving practical suggestions of how to show respect to your spouse. Great post!
Jackie
Hi I’m stopping by from the “Just Because” linkup. Beautiful post! I agree very much and although I may not 100% agree with my significant other’s decisions, I try to understand them and I respect them. I also try to tell him often how proud I am of him. I look forward to following you 🙂 Check out my blog sometime!
Jessica K
Great reminders Marquis! We just had a lady named Lollie Duroy come and speak to my moms group about Making our Marriages work. It is amazing how just complimenting them, the little words, make a huge difference. Again, great post. Trying to keep those things top of mind everyday!
Grace Leach
thanks for a great reminder and practical examples of how to show respect. I needed those particulars to give me a better idea of how to and I see how I’m really doing more harm than
I realized with my words.