Returning To Work

I have been dreading this post for awhile now.

Today is my first day back at work.

It even sounds weird saying that. The past 12 weeks have flown by. I can’t believe that Brooke is 12 weeks old and that I am back at work. I have a mixture of emotions about the whole thing. Part of me is excited to be working again, because I love my job. Part of me is extremely sad to not be with Brooke all day. Part of me is glad she is starting “school” early for numerous reasons and the other part is sad.

See, Mixture.

I know the whole going back to work or staying home thing can be controversial and I totally see why. Kevin and I were both raised by moms that worked full time, so for us, that is all we have ever known. While I was pregnant and we were trying to make decisions on this issue, I struggled immensely. I felt like going back to work gave the outward appearance that I valued work over my family. I know that is absurd and totally satan getting in my mind, but that is how I felt. I had to tell myself over and over that it was a lie. Going back to work doesn’t make me a bad mom, and not going back to work doesn’t make me a good mom. My status as a mom doesn’t depend on this one thing.

After staying home for these past 12 weeks, I know that being a mom is more than a full time job – it is constant (& so rewarding). Some of my best friends are stay at home moms and some days I am super jealous of that and others, I want to still work. I am a weird one.

For today, I am back at work. I might have left out the fact that Brooke is with me at work today, so today really isn’t a true test of how I will about the whole thing. And Brooke will be with Kevin all day tomorrow. But, she will start “school” on Monday. Sigh, that will be the real day of emotions. For today, I know this is the right decision for our family, and Kevin and I will continue to communicate about what is best for our little family.

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