It’s the beginning of a new year and of course, January is filled with new years resolutions. Everyone seems to be trying to start the new year off right. The gyms are packed and people are inspired. But, lets be honest, a few days ago people were wanting to write hate mail to 2013 and set it on fire. Loved ones have passed, families are falling apart and marriages are failing.
Failing. From the moment Kevin and I got engaged, I began praying for God to strengthen our marriage, to show us how to be good spouses. I have probably spent weeks in prayer about this, because I see the reality of the world. Marriages are failing. & I refuse to let mine fail.
So, for 2014, refuse to let yours fail. Take steps to strengthen your marriage.
1. Listen To Each Other
I have always considered myself a good listener until recently. I find myself wanting to be heard, or wanting to get my opinion across instead of fully listening to my husband’s words. There is something beautiful about really listening to what your spouse is saying/feeling without having to get a word in or steer the conversation in your direction.
“Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger;” – James 1:19
2. Forgive One Another
You aren’t going to feel free until you forgive one another completely. Are you holding onto something that happened before your marriage? Are you resentful of things in your marriage? Let them go. Don’t blame one another or hold resentment a day longer. Unforgiveness = living in bondage. Set yourself and your marriage free through grace.
“And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive him, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins.” – Mark 11:15
3. Date Like You Are 16
Me and Kevin were actually dating when we were 16, so I can clearly picture us. I mean be playful. Be fun. Be energetic. When you first start dating, all you think about is the other person. You talk on the phone for hours, just to hear the sound of their voice. You get nervous at their touch. You want to look into each others eyes for hours. Nothing else matters. Remember those feelings. Date like that. Look at your spouse, and see that person you fell in love with – the person you couldn’t get off your mind. Sometimes, Kevin still gives me butterflies and I never want that feeling to go away.
Let your fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of your youth. – Proverbs 5:18
4. Laugh Uncontrollably
I will say that this is one of my favorite things about our marriage and I consider it to be one of the things that keeps us thriving. Kevin makes me laugh everyday. We can be in the middle of a disagreement, I can be all mad and upset – then he just makes me laugh. Be fun and goofy with your spouse. Have a water fight in the house. Be happy together. Lay in bed and tell old funny stories about your relationship. Smile. Laugh.
“A glad heart makes a cheerful face, but by sorrow of heart the spirit is crushed.” – Proverbs 15:13
5. Be Selfless
Marriage isn’t always going to be equal. Some weeks, you might feel like you are carrying 75% of the burden, and some weeks your husband might feel that way. Love isn’t about keeping track of who did the dishes when, or cleaned the house last. These things can come in-between your marriage so quickly. It is easy to become prideful in who did this and who did that. But remember that Christ loves us unconditionally and that is how we are called to love. Selflessly.
“love is not self-seeking..” – 1 Corinthians 13:5
6. Kill Technology
Seriously, this is the hardest one for me. You can normally find me with my iPhone glued to my hand or the computer on my lap, and sometimes both at the same time. When it comes to spending time with your spouse, put down your phone and focus on one another. If your out to dinner, have a no phone rule at the table. When your at home, watching a movie or tv show, put your phone down and just be together. There are too many things in this world trying to distract you. Don’t let technology distract you from really spending time with your spouse.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. – Ephesians 4:29
7. Text It Up
In the next breath, technology can spice up your marriage. Its 10 or 11am, you are settled in at work, the day is moving and your phone goes off with a text from your spouse. “I love you, I hope your day is going good” or ” I can’t wait to see you tonight”. Let your spouse know that you are thinking about them. Basically, flirt with them. If you want to get real fancy, you can leave notes around for them or send flowers, etc. Basically, let your spouse know they are on your mind, that your heart is with them.
“Many waters cannot quench love; rivers cannot wash it away. If one were to give all the wealth of his house for love, it would be utterly scorned.” – Song of Solomon 8:7
8. Worship Together
There is something extremely intimate about going to church and worshiping with your husband. For me, I feel like I am pouring out my heart and growing towards Christ. When you share that with your spouse, your relationship deepens, because you let them into an aspect of your heart.
“For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” – Matthew 18:20
9. Show Affection
Yes, you are married, so yes, you should act like it. I’m not saying go all “get a room” style in public affection… but subtle public affection and “get a room” private affection. lol. Lets face it, we were created to be intimate with our spouse. But, I believe that it means more than just showing up at night, its about the spiritual and emotional connection you experience with your spouse. It can’t be just physical, if it is, it will just be temporal and meaningless.
“My lover is mine, and I am his” – Song of Solomon 2:16
10. Pray Together
Prayer is one of the most powerful and meaningful things we can do for our marriage. Not only are we told to pray in scripture–we’re told to pray without ceasing. I want to be a praying wife. I want to cover my husband in prayer, a few weeks ago, I wrote this post about verses to pray over your husaband and it has been such a great guide for me. There is also great value in praying together. I know that if you haven’t done this a lot in your relationship, it can be akward. Lets be honest, you are baring your sole and confessing your sins during prayer. You are talking to a holy God who is all knowing and all powerful. This makes prayer very intimate and vunrable, so of course, it can be a bit of a struggle to do this with someone else at first. But, trust me, it is powerful.
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 My prayer is that your marriage and mine would thrive in 2014. & for all you single ladies, my prayer is that your heart and your future husband’s heart would be filled with a love for Christ and yearning for His Word.
Love this, girl. Marriage is all about constantly putting another person before yourself. This is such great advice! And I love that you two were dating at 16! That’s when Darrin and I started dating as well! High school sweethearts are hard to come by these days! Love it! 🙂
i love this list!! i’m not married yet, but i know how important these things are in a relationship. thanks for sharing! I love reading your posts on marriage and love!
Even though I am not married yet, I am sure going to be using this post as a guideline for my boyfriend and I, and hopefully into the married life! Love that these are so Biblically based as well! Such good advice 🙂
Number 5 was really convicting! My husband and I just acknowledged the other day that we both have awful habits of keeping track records of each other. (You didn’t do this last week and I did this..etc.) Also, number 10 is sooo good. I am not that great at being a prayerful wife! Thanks for the encouragement.
I have a problem with #6 as well. My job requires me to always be on my phone, so it’s hard to kick the habit at home. My husband jokes that we need to have a “phone basket” for me to drop my phone in as soon as I walk through the door. I love everything about this list. #10 is probably one of my favorites. I fall in love with my husband all over again when I pray with him and get to witness his relationship with God firsthand. Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful post. Every marriage really should follow these tips, I’m in my 3rd year of marriage with my husband and it’s easy to get in a rut and routine and forget that your marriage needs to be nurtured. Melanie clarkmurdock.blogspot.com
Great, great points. It’s so funny (but so true!) how #6 and #7 contradict each other but I agree with both points! And #10 – we can all stand to do more of that! Happy New Year!
What an interesting read. If you haven’t read it before, you might want to look into reading The 5 Love Languages, it’s a really great book for helping with communication 🙂
So glad you connected with #5. Honestly, I feel like we go through different seasons of struggle and we have defiantly been there! Yes, I am a big supporter of prayer and love that you were encouraged. It can be tough and awkward at times but so awesome to see God working through your prayers and marriage.
Great Post! I love the part you put at the beginning “From the moment Kevin and I got engaged, I began praying for God to strengthen our marriage, to show us how to be good spouses.”
God is definitely showing me the importance of this and many of the other things you mentioned in my own marriage. So many of these things get overlooked or discarded in today’s marriages. This was a very refreshing and inspirational post to read!
What I love about this post is when he ask God to streghten their relationshp. It shows us how much he wanted to have their relationship to be successful and it will really brings their relationship close to God. Very inspiring, I hope every marriage will be like that.
It’s the beginning of a new year and of course, January is filled with new years resolutions. Everyone seems to be trying to start the new year off right. The gyms are packed and people are inspired. But, lets be honest, a few days ago people were wanting to write hate mail to 2013 and set it on fire. Loved ones have passed, families are falling apart and marriages are failing.
Marquis Clarke
Love this, girl. Marriage is all about constantly putting another person before yourself. This is such great advice! And I love that you two were dating at 16! That’s when Darrin and I started dating as well! High school sweethearts are hard to come by these days! Love it! 🙂
Marquis Clarke
i love this list!! i’m not married yet, but i know how important these things are in a relationship. thanks for sharing! I love reading your posts on marriage and love!
Marquis Clarke
I love this post, such good advice!!
Marquis Clarke
I love this post so much!! So many great tips and LOVE the bible verses that coordinate with it.
Marquis Clarke
Even though I am not married yet, I am sure going to be using this post as a guideline for my boyfriend and I, and hopefully into the married life!
Love that these are so Biblically based as well! Such good advice 🙂
Melissa from http://www.melissagraceinprogress.blogspot.com/
Marquis Clarke
Number 5 was really convicting! My husband and I just acknowledged the other day that we both have awful habits of keeping track records of each other. (You didn’t do this last week and I did this..etc.) Also, number 10 is sooo good. I am not that great at being a prayerful wife! Thanks for the encouragement.
Marquis Clarke
I would also add to communicate effectively. Talk as much as listen. Great post!
Marquis Clarke
Thanks for that last sentence! I am a single girl, but would love my future husband to be prepared to meet me. Wherever he should be :)!
Melissa @ Melissa Faye Blog
Marquis Clarke
Great post! Those are all great things to put into practice. Thanks for keeping it real!
Marquis Clarke
I have a problem with #6 as well. My job requires me to always be on my phone, so it’s hard to kick the habit at home. My husband jokes that we need to have a “phone basket” for me to drop my phone in as soon as I walk through the door. I love everything about this list. #10 is probably one of my favorites. I fall in love with my husband all over again when I pray with him and get to witness his relationship with God firsthand. Thanks for sharing!
Marquis Clarke
What a great list! The verses that you picked for each one are perfect. Thanks for sharing these!
Marquis Clarke
Beautiful post.
Every marriage really should follow these tips, I’m in my 3rd year of marriage with my husband and it’s easy to get in a rut and routine and forget that your marriage needs to be nurtured.
Melanie
clarkmurdock.blogspot.com
Marquis Clarke
Great, great points. It’s so funny (but so true!) how #6 and #7 contradict each other but I agree with both points! And #10 – we can all stand to do more of that! Happy New Year!
Marquis Clarke
What an interesting read. If you haven’t read it before, you might want to look into reading The 5 Love Languages, it’s a really great book for helping with communication 🙂
jess | Quaintrelle
Marquis Clarke
Beautiful post! I’m far from marriage, but these points are great for all around (e.g., long-term relationships too).
Love only dies if you let it!
Susan | Susan Loves…
Marquis Clarke
Love this. It is so so important to put focus on marriage, because too many fail for reasons that could have been dealt with and fixed.
Marquis Clarke
Thanks love! It totally is about being selfless all summed up. That is crazy and very rare 🙂 y’all are so precious together.
Marquis Clarke
Thanks Brianna! It’s always good to learn more even before marriage!
Marquis Clarke
Thank you 🙂
Marquis Clarke
So glad you liked it, thank you.
Marquis Clarke
Thanks Melissa! Yes, so applicable…
Marquis Clarke
So glad you connected with #5. Honestly, I feel like we go through different seasons of struggle and we have defiantly been there! Yes, I am a big supporter of prayer and love that you were encouraged. It can be tough and awkward at times but so awesome to see God working through your prayers and marriage.
Marquis Clarke
For sure!
Marquis Clarke
Yes, pray for him 🙂
Marquis Clarke
Thanks Jennifer!
Marquis Clarke
Yes, get a basket lol i need one too 🙂 yikes! Totally agree about prayer.
Marquis Clarke
Thank you!
Marquis Clarke
Thank you, I totally agree!
Marquis Clarke
Thanks Kristin! I know, it totally follows my train of thought though 🙂 technology is good and bad.
Marquis Clarke
We have it 🙂 so good!
Marquis Clarke
Thank you!
Marquis Clarke
Thanks Chloe! Def agree.
Jon Abercrombie
Great Post! I love the part you put at the beginning “From the moment Kevin and I got engaged, I began praying for God to strengthen our marriage, to show us how to be good spouses.”
God is definitely showing me the importance of this and many of the other things you mentioned in my own marriage. So many of these things get overlooked or discarded in today’s marriages. This was a very refreshing and inspirational post to read!
Mandy V
These are great tips! Love the technology reminder and worshiping together is always so good 🙂
Vilma Daily
What I love about this post is when he ask God to streghten their relationshp. It shows us how much he wanted to have their relationship to be successful and it will really brings their relationship close to God. Very inspiring, I hope every marriage will be like that.