3 Steps to Forgiveness in Marriage

That is normally how a fight ends in our house – with an apology and a request for forgiveness. However, the other day I heard something that intrigued me. When you sin against God, when does he forgive you? Is it after you apologize? Is it when you ask for forgiveness?

No. He forgives you before you even act against him.

This got me thinking and studying about what biblical forgiveness really looks life in relation to marriage. I uncovered three steps that I believe are essential for forgiveness in my marriage and wanted to share them with you.

We know that through our relationship with Christ, we are already forgiven. He has taken care of our biggest worry and condition, our sin. Once we accept Christ as our savior, he instantly forgives all of our past and future sins, because of His work on the cross. Therefore, he tells us: “Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.” (Ephesians 4:32) This is a huge statement. I think it is so important to keep a soft heart toward your spouse. Think about this in terms of how Christ treats you. In your mind, have you already forgiven your spouse for a fight you will have next week? Honestly, probably not. We tend to think in the moment of an argument. Focus on being kind to one another and forgiving each other in advance. It is a lot harder to get in arguments or do hurtful things if you are focusing on having a soft heart.

“In him we have redemption through his blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses, according to the riches of his grace” – Ephesians 1:7
 
2. Apologize to one another and repent

Apologizing and asking for forgiveness is important. By apologizing, we are confessing that we were wrong or handled a situation poorly. “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9) Your spouse needs to hear this from you, and they also need to see to repentance. To repent means to turn away from. Essentially, by repenting, you show that you mean what you say. “Actions speak louder than words” is a popular phrase that describes repentance well.

“Love keeps no record of wrongs”(1 Corinthians 13). Once you have forgiven your spouse, forget as Christ has forgotten.“For I will be merciful toward their iniquities, and I will remember their sins no more.” (Hebrews 8:12) Don’t harbor bad feelings or judgment. If you hold on to wrong doings, it will only affect your heart toward your spouse and like we talked about in step one, a soft heart is key.