A Desire For More

I wonder if it ever goes away.

The desire for more.

I assume not.

You take a toy from another child. You envy the dress of the girl next to you. You compare your success to others. You want more. You want to be better. It’s no wonder they call comparison the thief of joy.

At times, I find myself even doing this in my faith. I read verses like Ephesians 2:8, “for by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God,” and I consider it true. However, with my next thought, I envision everything I could be doing to be a better person, better wife, better follower of christ, better disciple, — the list goes on and thus anxiety follows.

So, why do I do that? Why do I distort God’s view of me? He already loves me. He has already forgiven me. To him, I am enough. There is nothing I can do to paint a better picture of myself to him, it’s not even necessary.

Freeing.

It is absolutely freeing that it is finished.

But, he does call us to “Go and make disciples of all nations..” So, how do we balance that? How do we balance wanting to live the life God has for us, and do better for Him, yet rest in the freedom of His Grace?

I have no clue.

No really… I actually wrote “I have no clue.” Then erased it, then put it back again, because honestly most days I feel like I have no clue how to balance it all. Most days, I don’t have this thing called life figured out (okay everyday). I think that is where faith comes into play. At the end of the great commission, he says “behold I am with you.” (Matthew 28:20).

The right answer is Jesus, but my mind can’t comprehend what that looks like in my life outside of contentness and joy in Him exactly where I am in life. I think if we stop and take the time to open our eyes, we will see all that God is doing in our life at this moment. And it matters.

So today, I choose to be thankful for all the ways God is using me and shaping me into his image right now. My human nature wants to aspire for more, and I don’t think that is necessarily bad, as long as I know that my worth is not in my aspirations but in Him. Hopefully my random thoughts make sense to you today.

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