One of the most read posts I have written on Simply Clarke is The One Question To Ask Your Husband EVERYDAY. It came from a moment in our own marriage that really made an impact on us as a couple and strengthened our marriage. For me personally, it opened my eyes to the fact that you can “communicate” every day, even multiple times a day and not really gain an insight into your spouses heart. It takes you intentionally seeking them out and asking for them to open up. For some reason, I started thinking about this post again today and it prompted me to think about other questions I could be asking in marriage.
Now, I know these should be asked with the right heart and an open mind, so I fully advise being in prayer before asking these and allowing yourself to listen. You may not like every answer you hear, or you may want to respond to some, but try to just listen. Make it a safe space for your spouse to share their heart. Seek to learn more and love deeper…
How can I be praying for you?
I figured, I would start with the question that started it all. How can I be praying for you? Your spouse might not have an answer at first, but the more you ask, the easier it gets. Sometimes, I know exactly what my husband needs prayer for, and sometimes, his answers surprise me. Ask.
Is there something I could be doing for you?
Again, go into this with an open heart. You may get an answer you don’t particularly like or want to do. But again, its about listening and learning more about your spouse. This is a question where I have learned little things about my husband and things he likes. For instance, he likes his towel to hang a certain way in the bathroom. Who knew? This is a small thing, I can easily do differently that he would appreciate.
What do you think your love language is?
There will be three types of people for this question. One that have read the books, taken the test and know what their husbands love language is – one that knows of the love languages and have guessed their spouses love language. And one that has no clue what i’m talking about. Basically, there is a book that speaks about the five love languages and how you can best show love based upon your partners love language. Get to know what your spouses love language is and brainstorm ways to show them love this way.
What do you feel is our biggest source of conflict? How should we handle it?
Okay, okay, this is really two questions. Again, this could be an especially sensitive area so handle with care. I have found that talking about conflict after the fact or when you aren’t in the heat of the moment works out so much better. If you can discuss what the root of the issue is and handle it outside of “the moment” it tends to resolve it self so much easier.
What is something I do that makes you happy?
This one is fun. Use it to your advantage. Do what makes you smile and laugh together. Laughing is important in a relationship and brings a lot of joy. My husband and I enjoy dinner dates and watching movies together. We know what makes us happy, and we schedule time together to just have fun.
What is something I do that makes you upset?
Again, this answer could be something small or something big so handle with care. My husband dislikes when I leave lights on in the house, something small. Something easy to discuss… but this answer might be more uncomfortable to navigate. Again, its important to listen and learn.
If we could have any goal in our lifetime, what would it be?
This is possibly my favorite question, aside from number one. I feel like dreaming together is so important. Knowing each others dreams and goals – then working on them together is so incredible! It builds such a close bond and gives you something to reach for – together. DREAM BIG!
While these are just 7 out of hundreds of questions that could be used to strengthen your marriage. They are a good place to start. The point is to start talking about more than just “how as your day”. The goal is listen and learn.