October 4, 2017

Take Back Your Marriage: From Yourself

You made it through week 5 of the Take Back Your Marriage Series and you are probably wondering exactly what I mean by take back your marriage from yourself. There are so many things begging for our attention that it is hard to find time for anything, let alone our marriage. It is time to take back your marriage: from your kids, from technology, from your finances, from your busy schedule and from yourself. As a woman myself, I know sometimes I get in the way of my own marriage. Sometimes, I have unclear or unrealistic expectations, sometimes I nag, sometimes i’m disrespectful, and sometimes, I am just flat out moody. Here are ways I try to Take Back My Marriage from myself:

Expectations

I feel like “expectations” is a hot topic in marriage right now. People go into marriage with small expectations like someone is going to do the laundry and someone is going to mow the yard and people can go into marriage with larger expectations like someone is going to make x amount of money or someone is going to give me all the joy in the world. The point is, we all have them weather we realize it or not. We expect certain things from our spouse, and when it doesn’t happen, we are upset.

I have found that marriage isn’t always going to be equal. We have gone through seasons in our marriage where I clean the house, and seasons where Kevin cleans the house. Some weeks, you might feel like you are carrying 75% of the burden, and some weeks your husband might feel that way. Love isn’t about keeping track of who did the dishes when, or cleaned the house last. These things can come in-between your marriage so quickly. It is easy to become prideful in who did this and who did that. But remember that Christ loves us unconditionaly and that is how we are called to love.

“love is not self-seeking..” – 1 Corinthians 13:5

Nagging

No one likes a nag. I have to admit – I nag Kevin. If he reads this, he will be sure to rub it in that I admitted this. You are not in your husbands life to mold him into who you want him to be. He is not yours to fix and change. Just becuase you really want him to do something doesn’t mean that is what he is suppose to do. (& sometimes it is lol)

It is not up to us to “change” our husbands, it is up to God. God might not want him to change in this area of his life. I know its so easy to pray “God, make my husband pick up his stuff.. and do this.. and do this..” but those are honestly selfish prayers. It is not up to us; we should pray something like this ” God, you know that it frustrates me that my husband does_____ but I kow that only by your will and power will this change. I place it in your hands”. Now, this is really hard for me. I am a perfectionist, I like things my way. I have had to really work on this area of my life.

A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm – Proverbs 27:15

Disrespect

God is a God of grace and understanding beyond what we can fathom. In the same way, we should extend this grace to others. We might not agree with our husband 100% of the time, but should show him respect. In todays world, what does this even mean? Read this post I wrote a while back about practical ways to respect your husabnd. And remember, we are commanded of this:

However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33

Moodiness

I can be moody. I can be moody a lot at times. Sometimes, I am just not in the best mood and sometimes I take that out on my husband. Sometimes, I am unkind and sometimes I am selfish. I know this, and I actively try to not let my moodiness dip into my marriage. I do this by practicing being kind and patient. I also suggest praising your husand, verbally and publically. For things he as done in the past and the present. You have no idea how far an “I’m proud of you” will go. The world and others tear us down enough, be his biggest encouragement and constant source of kindness.

Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing- 1 Thessalonians 5:11

Its so easy to let things get in between our marriage. My prayer is that we would actively seek to take back our marriage from these things and give it over to God. Lord, may we give our marriage to you for your glory.