Okay, raise your hand if you want to be a better wife? C’mon… I know you do. You saw the title, you clicked, you want to be better! The truth is, we all have room for improvement in marriage. You might feel like your husband is the problem, not you or like you put in all of the effort. Or, you might feel like your marriage is really going good, but you just want to make sure you are doing all you can. The truth is, you can always find some way to be a better wife. Here are twelve practical and biblical ways you can be a better wife. Each one of these has a scripture reference and real life examples of what you can do to be a better wife.
Stop The Nagging
No one likes a nag. I have to admit – I nag Kevin. If he reads this, he will be sure to rub it in that I admitted this. You are not in your husbands life to mold him into who you want him to be. He is not yours to fix and change. Just because you really want him to do something doesn’t mean that is what he is suppose to do. (& sometimes it is lol)
It is not up to us to “change” our husbands, it is up to God. God might not want him to change in this area of his life. I know its so easy to pray “God, make my husband pick up his stuff.. and do this.. and do this..” but those are honestly selfish prayers. It is not up to us; we should pray something like this ” God, you know that it frustrates me that my husband does_____ but I know that only by your will and power will this change. I place it in your hands”. Now, this is really hard for me. I am a perfectionist, I like things my way. I have had to really work on this area of my life.
A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm – Proverbs 27:15
Let’s face it, we are busy. Its to easy to let little things slip because we have had a long day or don’t feel like talking. But we must make it a priority to communicate. Kevin and I have decided to spend nights without other distractions and just focus on each other. Make dinner together, talk to each other, read the bible together, go outside… anything. & Honestly, we have had some amazing conversations just talking to each other. No cell phones or tv people. Just talk to each other.
Also, another point on this topic – say what you mean. Don’t beat around the bush or expect your husband to pick up on little cues. Men don’t work that way. They need clear communication straight from you. Really feel like your marriage could use some better communication, here are 5 tips for better communication in marriage.
Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers. – Ephesians 4:29
Praise your husband, verbally and publicly. For things he as done in the past and the present. You have no idea how far an “I’m proud of you” will go. The world and others tear us down enough, be his biggest encouragement and constant source of kindness. You can do this through random texts during the day, notes around the house and even verbally face to face. Be create and do this OFTEN! I have written 11 Ways To Encourage Your Husband , 4 Ways to Encourage Your Husbands Heart and 4 Ways To Encourage Your Husbands Walk.
Therefore, encourage one another and build one another up, just as you are doing- 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Let Him Lead
I know so many women who lead their relationship. By this I mean that either their husband doesn’t spiritually lead their home or doesn’t understand how/what that means or she prefers to be the leader, so the woman steps in. She steps in and “does his job” the best she can. If you struggle with this due to not wanting to relinquish control, I want to encourage you to read about 5 Ways To Encourage Your Husband to Lead. If this is an issue in your marriage due to your husband not understanding how/what that means, I want to encourage you to read that article and really focus on number five and then the others as he gains interest and understanding. This can be such a hard topic and struggle in marriage. The best thing you can do is PRAY and pray hard – then seek wisdom from your pastor as well.
But I want you to realize that the head of every man is Christ, and the head of the woman is man, and the head of Christ is God. – 1 Corinthians 11:3
One of the most loving things you can do for your marriage is to serve your spouse. My husbands love language is service so this is HUGE for us. This is also something he is amazing at – he knows I hate filling my car up with gas, so he does it for me (even at midnight). He knows the kids are crazy most days, so he does all the dishes at night. He sees a need for our family and he does it. And, as his wife, I try to do the same thing. I know he love the bed being made, so I try to make it often. I also like leaving him notes around the house or sending him sweet emails. Need an idea? Here are 20 Ways To Serve Your Spouse.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives – 1 Peter 3:1
God is a God of grace and understanding beyond what we can fathom. In the same way, we should extend this grace to others. We might not agree with our husband 100% of the time, but should show him respect. In todays world, what does this even mean? Read this post I wrote a while back about practical ways to respect your husabnd. And remember, we are commanded of this:
However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. – Ephesians 5:33
Take Care of Yourself
Okay, I mean a lot of things by this. I’ll be the first one to say now that I am a stay at home mom/blogger you can find me in leggings and a tee half of the week with no make up on and a lot of dry shampoo. However, I fully believe in taking time for yourself and your marriage to get ready, put on make up, dress up and go on a date night. Taking time for yourself shows you value and care about putting your best foot forward to your spouse to show them they are special.
I also mean, take care of yourself. I have found that I am a way better wife and mom if I have at least a few hours to myself a week. I need to refresh, calm my soul, reset and be without stress. I need me time. I can’t take care of my family if I am not “filling up my tank”.
Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. – Proverbs 31:30
Manage Your Expectations
I feel like “expectations” is a hot topic in marriage right now. People go into marriage with small expectations like someone is going to do the laundry and someone is going to mow the yard and people can go into marriage with larger expectations like someone is going to make x amount of money or someone is going to give me all the joy in the world. The point is, we all have them weather we realize it or not. We expect certain things from our spouse, and when it doesn’t happen, we are upset.
I have found that marriage isn’t always going to be equal. We have gone through seasons in our marriage where I clean the house, and seasons where Kevin cleans the house. Some weeks, you might feel like you are carrying 75% of the burden, and some weeks your husband might feel that way. Love isn’t about keeping track of who did the dishes when, or cleaned the house last. These things can come in-between your marriage so quickly. It is easy to become prideful in who did this and who did that. But remember that Christ loves us unconditionally and that is how we are called to love.
“love is not self-seeking..” – 1 Corinthians 13:5
Watch Your Mood
I can be moody. I can be moody a lot at times. Sometimes, I am just not in the best mood and sometimes I take that out on my husband. Sometimes, I am unkind and sometimes I am selfish. I know this, and I actively try to not let my moodiness dip into my marriage. I do this by practicing being kind and patient.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. – 1 Corinthians 13:4
Don’t compare your marriage to other peoples relationships. Your marriage is entirely different that your best friends, neighbors, parents or stranger on Instagram. It is so easy to see others in public and start comparing your own marriage. If you struggle with this, I highly suggest reading 4 Ways To Combat Comparison in Marriage.
For am I now seeking the approval of man, or of God? Or am I trying to please man? If I were still trying to please man, I would not be a servant of Christ. – Galatians 1:10
Pray For Your Husband
Prayer is one of the most powerful and meaningful things we can do for our marriage. Not only are we told to pray in scripture–we’re told to pray without ceasing. I want to be a praying wife. I want to cover my husband in prayer, a few weeks ago, I wrote this post about verses to pray over your husband and it has been such a great guide for me. There is also great value in praying together. I know that if you haven’t done this a lot in your relationship, it can be awkward. Lets be honest, you are baring your sole and confessing your sins during prayer. You are talking to a holy God who is all knowing and all powerful. This makes prayer very intimate and venerable, so of course, it can be a bit of a struggle to do this with someone else at first. But, trust me, it is powerful.
Rejoice evermore. Pray without ceasing. In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you. – 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18
Yes, you are married, so yes, you should act like it. I’m not saying go all “get a room” style in public affection… but subtle public affection and “get a room” private affection. lol. Lets face it, we were created to be intimate with our spouse. But, I believe that it means more than just showing up at night, its about the spiritual and emotional connection you experience with your spouse. It can’t be just physical, if it is, it will just be temporal and meaningless.
“My lover is mine, and I am his” – Song of Solomon 2:16